Penetrating Flavour

I sit here at my little glass-top desk, wine glass in hand and Paolo Conte playing in the background. I've been here not yet a month but already my desk and shelf is piled with papers and books, a few of which are dictionaries. I have three, but only one is actually my own. I don't have much to keep organized, but the desire to eludes me. The sun has set an hour ago, a sure sign that winter is approaching and that my beloved Summer, with it's late setting sun, has left. The lighting in the room sets the mood; I had desired to put my bedside lamp at my direct right, to shed some light onto my German homework, but there are a lack of outlets in this corner of the room, with the radio, television, and receiver box claiming them all. If I unplug any of them then I will have to reset the clock. Instead, I aimed the stand-up lamp in the one corner, and the bedside lamp in the other, towards my seat. Now only one corner of the room is dark, but there stands only my full-length mirror.

On the 21st I will have reached one month since my embarking to Germany, and that both frightens and excites me. On one hand I wish that my language skills had improved much more than they have; my biggest fear is getting off of the plane in Canada no better than when I left. I realize that I haven't put in as much effort as I can, and for that my growing fear is justified, for if I continue to put in only a degree of my full abilities I am most certainly going to walk off of that plane in tainted by disappointment. It's Sunday night and my homework, due for tomorrow, sits in a pile to my left; it will demand my attention next. It's always an excitement when I can actually speak the language with someone who understands me, so tomorrow, when I drag myself up the stairs early in the morning, I intend on pulling foward and holding fast to that excitement and pride - and using it to fuel my studies. It should be effective. Should. My least favourite word. Perhaps I should say "will be," then there is a better chance of success.
I am also excited because there are still 3 months and 11 days before I will leave, and thus 3 months and 11 days to still travel. This first month has been honestly spent mostly as a home-body. There was a lot of settling down to get through, but I am now locked into a daily routine for most of the days of the week, and always have a few free to break up on my own. A routine may sound boring, but I find it very important for my growing comfort with the language. Upon my arrival I had abandoned all routines established from home; in fact, for a while, I abandoned all thought of home. It was easier. Still is, but I'm much more comfortable living in the memory once again. It helps to keep contact with my family and friends and there's quite a bit of catching up to do. I'm working on it, dear family and friends, I promise. But with abandoning all routine and opening myself up entirely to the lifestyle here, I am experiencing an interesting transformation of self. I don't feel like a displaced Canadian at all. In fact, one day I may just live here for a while. The permanence of that decision has yet to be decided. The point is, when I return, my approach to daily activities is going to be different because I don't intend on returning to my old habits. A lot of how things are done here day-to-day are worth applying always. My final work report is going to be amazing with all of this wealth of experience to back it.

It's going to be so strange to return and for this experience to be over. I have a life here right now, with friends and a family, and there is still so much more to happen. I have met another au-pair residing in our little Muenchholzhausen from Namibia. Never did I think that I would meet another great person going through the same program that I am. The other day we even just went for a beer at the local pub, and we both care for children that attend the same kindergarten. It's very interesting to meet someone from such a different location and hopefully in the next year or so we will get the chance to visit each other in our respective home cities. I can't imagine what else I'll miss when I get back. I'll resist the urge to always say, "Well, over in Germany..." when describing how they do things differently and perhaps more efficiently, but I assure you that I'll be thinking it. I already envision my thoughts on the plane, the afternoon of Dec 30th; confused, saddened, and full of anticipation. I'll just have to order a glass of wine. But does it make me regret ever having done this? Not for a second. I'm so excited to have these new connections with people from around the world and to learn so much about confidence. I'll just be sure to hold on to my good Canadian ideals.

Now Les yeux de ton pere is playing, by Les Negresses Vertes. I realize that it's not German, but the radio is dominated at this time by popular English hits. I actually look forward to the commercials and 5-minute news reports that are actually done in German. Perhaps it's time to switch over to my homework, and to finish my glass. Let the transformation away from any from my maladaptive behaviours continue - I mean you, Procrastination - and may that spider I just noticed in the top corner catch the fruit flies hoving around my beautiful, and incredibly pungent, fresh pink and yellow garden roses, sitting atop the coffee table.

Laune: frustriert

The past few days have been spent in a mild frustration towards my place in the school and government financial system. While I am greatful to have been given a spot in the elusive co-op system at Guelph there are quite a few areas that need some reorganizing there. For one, I found that there isn’t a lot of support for students returning from a co-op term. Perhaps there has never been a vocalized demand for it, or no student ever thought to ask, but when you’re returning from one semester in the workforce, or in some special cases two semesters away in a row (something I did, and would not recommend), it’s mighty difficult to get back into the groove. One must train themselves to start to study again, and to use time outside of class for completing course work again. See, when you work all day, every day, you begin to use your downtime outside of the work hours to sleep or read or watch tv – anything to relax, really, because you don’t have a lot of down time in comparison. In contrast, classes don’t take up as much time and so you have to reposition your thoughts to realize that this “down time” between them is actually work time in disguise (since there’s no one on you to get work done, like with a boss in an office). I am aware that there is a student body running within the co-op program to run events, to recruit and so forth, but I’m not quite sure what they do for the reintegration of returning students. Perhaps I need to get my hands in that student administration. I HAVE had a very interesting set of coop experiences, what with doing two in a row and also finding my third placement on my own and in a foreign country. It’s just an idea.

Another thing that’s been aggravating me is my tuition.  Extra fees surrounding coop are understandable; there is staff to pay, after all. But this being my last placement, I've decided to take a co-op research project course as well. This course is somewhat along the lines of a thesis, where I will be doing a lot of book- and paper-research instead of hands-on, and will write a 30-page report in the end. So that, plus my 20-page work report, I have a lot to handle. Yet this has been the least of my worries. I'm an English and German minors student also, so papers come with the territory. My issue now is that with the one added course my tuition has jumped from a couple hundred, to over $1000. I've paid most of it off already (due date this Friday, yipe) and have been working on reorganizing money to get it completely settled, but normally I have the assisstance of OSAP loans and grants for this. I study year-round and have thus had the luxury of focusing on school and only working part time, but being on a work-term cuts me off from the OSAP access that I so desperately need. I don't have a spare $1000 (I doubt that any student really does), and so, in my opinion, there seems to be something wrong with this picture. Simply because I am on a work term means that I can't even apply? There isn't an OSAP form for this. But what about students who study while also on a work term, like I am doing now and have done in the past? Last time I did have money saved up, but this time around I've had to consider extra costs. Co-op students are thought to be making enough money I guess, which isn't really always the truth with living costs factored in. I wonder even how OSAP figures how much money we need to be given when they don't look at living costs? What are these living cost estimates based off of? For anyone who's filled out a Student Financial Need Assessment Form (I highly recommend it: there is a version for students both receiving and not receiving OSAP) you may know that you use your income tax information, and subtract from that an estimated cost of living and tuition given to you by the school. It's interesting because you see how "in-the-whole" you supposedly are when this giant negative number results (or usually results). One might say that I should have been more organized; should have had this all taken care of BEFORE I left, and, well, they’re right, I should have; but that was then, this is now, and my coming to Germany was a very last minute thing. I barely had time to pack and get tickets before I was expected at my placement. Regardless, it's frustrating trying to get these things sorted when you can't simply walk into Student Financial Services and talk to an employee. I've been firing off e-mails with the school for a few weeks now, and each time I have to wait a few days inbetween for a response. It makes me anxious, which is why I am happy that I have such a close and supportive family.

I know that they read this blog, and part of the reason it exists is so that they may keep up with what I'm doing. This work term is a very exciting move, and will have a huge impact on my future education. When my tuition issues started to really eat at me (at the beginning of this week), I finally turned to them for assisstance and guidance. I didn't want to. A certain stubbornness wanted me to get it sorted out on my own, and I think on some level I was also punishing myself for not being more organized, which in retrospect is foolish since this would have been pretty hard to foresee with my focus drawn all over the place. I thought that since I had put myself in this situation, I should have to deal with it and suffer through it. My family has offered a lot of support in the past, and have so much time and finances invested elsewhere, that it felt odd asking for help; almost selfish because I feel like I am always asking and needing their time and resources. Perhaps I have it blown out of proportion. Regardless, I know that the assisstance from them is there - really, truly, I do know - and that all of them are very adept at talking me off of a ledge. My problem seems to be sorted out now thanks to them. It sometimes helps to just even talk about it with them, having them reassure me that things will work out and that they will gladly do any running around with paper work and signatures - "[taking] care of the fires while [I'm] away," as my father puts it, or "watching over things on [that] side," as my Oma said to me on the phone today. I'm incredibly fortunate, and I hope that all of my family and friends know that despite the situations and stresses that I get myself into to, I've actually felt this past year, for the first time in a while, that I am in the right place at the right time. It's a good feeling, being satisfied and thankful for everything, even the minor hiccups that put everything back into perspective, without fail. But it's really all because of the people in my life, I really do believe that.

-Candles

Tom+Astrid

So much has happened in these past three weeks that I hardly know where to begin. I've been to Mannheim, to an event in Wetzlar, have started a German course at the Volkshochschule (which is run by the Goethe Institute), have met another Au-Pair in the same city, and have gotten a cold. I also broke a new pair of sunglasses that I just purchased last weekend. They weren't expensive but damn did I love them. I need to find some super-glue. To the utility drawer!!

While I hope to get around to expanding on some of these things, first I want to write a series of profiles of the family that I am working with. I'm in quite the unique situation here.

Tom: The thirty-something father of two is a successful business man working at a new firm (started the beginning of August) in Düsberg, Aachen in finance. For those unfamiliar with the geography of Germany, that's a 2-hour drive west of Muenchholzhausen! Prior to working here I am told he worked really long and odd hours at a place closer to home, so that he was rarely ever available to be with his family. This new job, while far, offers him free time because he has made with them a deal: he will drive to Düsberg in the early morning of Monday and stay there until the Thursday evening of every week, under the condition that he has Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off to be at home with his family. Many people, from the sound of it, find his living away for 4 days a week odd, but it makes a lot of sense in that he never actually had time to be home when he worked closer. Now he does, and Astrid has said that it works for them and that Tom is actually happier and less stressed out.
To watch the man cook is to see in him the young soul. He opens the fridge and dashes through its contents with a sort of reckless abandon gracing those driven by a curiosity to see what they can create. Tom has cooked every night that he has been home and not once has one of his concoctions turned out poorly. "Perhaps a bit too much garlic," he said of a particularly light pasta dish, but I would beg to differ. This curiosity, I am told, translates into a strong penchant for travelling: "I do not like to drive for so long, but Tom, he can drive for hours no problem," says his wife Astrid, who is more set in her home roots now that she has young children. In travelling he likes to experience everything foreign to him (another story of Astrid descirbes him in a grocery store in Canada, where he spent hours going through every label, looking for anything that he did not know). He likes a good drink at home on the weekend evenings, a substitute now for when both he and Astrid were younger and were out almost every Friday, and is always on the go with new projects. His taste is ultra modern with a strong desire for class, and I do believe that all around there is strong drive towards a particularly rich lifestyle (not in things, so much as rich in experiences). This is a man who, before I leave here in December, I will get a list from of the places that I simply must see in my lifetime and which are perhaps not in the typical tour books.

Astrid: A radiant warmth always can be found in this woman. A smile is easily found on her bright face, and she seems to know so much more of the world than she might let on. Her family is quite evidently the most important thing to her, which can be seen so well in her constant involvement with the affairs of her children and her husband; so much so that she is every day so tired from little sleep. She puts them first, although I hope that my being here will give her time to have some focus on herself. She had a long appointment at the hairdresser the other day (the product of which was a very suiting cut and colour) and for her birthday soon, she and Tom are going to have a few days away together while I stay with the children. It's good, and really important, that she has some time to catch up on the house and herself.
Watching her with the children, I was fascinated to find a different style of parenting than I am used to in Canada. Often I find that we are hovering over the kids, ensuring that they don't bump or fall, and that they have constant encouragement for a pronounced confidence. But it seems here, and in this household especially, there is a focus on giving children responsibility, and space, in exploring their own environment. Tim will pull himself towards an object and instead of quickly jumping forward to say "Nein" because it is not a typical toy, or trying to redirect his attention, she will let him continue, keeping a careful eye that he is not in any danger (which he never is). She wants him to test and create perceptions of his surroundings, and for that, I must say that he is one of the most advanced 9-month olds I have ever met.
Dear young Mia, on the other hand, is fiercly testing her limits with her parents, seeing just how far she can push - just what can she get away with? Astrid applies the same encouragement with Mia as she does Tim, but tempers Mia's striving for pleasure fulfillment with responsibilites around the house. She is kept occupied with helping to cook, set and clear the table, and even to vaccum her bedroom floor. Astrid, again, never hovers, but keeps a keen eye to ensure that no serious trouble ensues.
Naturally, spending 4 days a week with just Astrid and the children has let me get to know her quite well, and I rather quite enjoy her company. She was once also in finance (where she met Tom) as a trainer of employees. From that I believe she has taken a more guidance driven approach to interacting with others. Like I have said, she never pushes or hovers, but merely influences the learning process gently and offers her good opinion for others to either heed or discard. And really, for the most part, they follow it, and things turn out well. I just would like that Astrid had more confidence in herself over certain areas. She is constantly speaking up about the achievements and talents of others, but doesn't realize her own value enough. That likely does, again, come from so much focus on others, but I do think in time (and as the work situation with Tom settles in more, and as I spend more and more time around) she will start to see in her free time that she has great instincts and an amazing feel for people.

And so those are the parents of the house in a nutshell. Naturally there is much more to learn about them since I have only been here a little under 3 weeks and there are still holidays, vacationing, and several birthday parties to go through (all family members have a birthday in the next 4 months). Overall, I'm really happy with the family. It's always tricky having a new boss for each co-op position, but to have a new boss while in a country nearly 4000 miles away from your co-op advisor's assistance is that much more daunting. But I've been very fortunate, to say the least, and the big risk is paying off, knock-on-wood.

-Candles

Was bist du?

I have been reading a 1929 text written by Piaget entitled The Child's Concept of the World, something I was led to by my child psychology professor, Dr. Barron, last Fall semester. A particular chapter of interest is where Piaget attempts to explain how children reason between subject and object (particularly because the child is a realist; they are unable to make full sense of an abstract concept); the chapter is called "Dreams." Here Piaget says that the child is, and I quote, "confronted by grave difficulties when he attempts to explain the most subjective of experiences - dreams." This is supposedly because children are still developing a sense of personal self, let alone a knowledge of the other. Piaget went on to record a conversation he had with a child that I have found very fascinating (and amusing):

Piaget: Where does the dream come from?
Child (5yrs, 9mnths): I think you sleep so well that you dream.
P: Does it come from us or from outside?
C: From outside.
P: What do we dream with?
C: I don't know.
P: With the hands? With nothing?
C: Yes, with nothing.
P: When you are in bed and you dream, where is the dream?
C: In my bed, under the blanket. I don't really know. If it was in my stomach the bones would be in the way and I shouldn't see it.
P: Is the dream there when you sleep?
C: Yes, it is in the bead beside me.
P: Is the dream in your head?
C: It is I that am in the dream; it isn't in my head. When you dream you don't know you are in the bed. You know you are walking. You are in the dream. You are in the bed. You know you are walking. You are in the dream. You are in the bed, but you don't know you are."
P: When the dream is in the room, is it near you?
C: Yes, there! (pointing to 30cm in front of his eyes)

I asked this same question of children before, and have received some pretty cool answers - "from my mouth," "from my mom," "from the sky" - and so I had a similar conversation with Mia here. She'll be 5 years old in less than a month:

Candice: Mia, woher kommt die Traeume? Mia, where do dreams come from?
Mia: *fiddling with the piano in my room* Von schlafen. From sleep.
C: Und was uns die Traume gibt? And what gives us dreams?
M: Deutschland. Germany.
C: Deutschland? Die Leute oder das Land? Germany? The people or the land?
M: Die Leute. The people.

Interesting that Mia thinks her countrymen give her dreams. I also asked:

C: Mia, was bist du? Mia, what are you?
M: Chinesisch. Chinese.
C: Wirklich? Und was noch? Really? And what else?
M: Ein Katze *make a noise like "marf marf"* A cat!
C: Aber du sprichst wie ein Hund! But you speak like a dog!
M: *makes a noise like "mow mow"*
C: Und was bist du wirklich? And what are you really?
M: Ein Loewe *pounces onto the bed* A lion.
C: Echt!? Really!?
M: Nein, ich bin ein Mensch! No, I am a human being.
C: Ah so...
M: Nein! Ich bin deinen Kopf! No! I am your head!

I'd never asked her this question before, but her first response was to jump straight into imaginary characters, which is interesting considering in the past three weeks I have yet to witness her in immediate imaginary play. A lot of her focus has been on her surroundings and on being a recognized part of her environment (in other words, there has been a little bit of jealousy over her brother). That being said, before my arrival I have been told that she spend quite a lot of time amusing herself after kindergarten and lately she has shown a fondness for some imaginative play with me. Hopefully this is a sign that that type of play is increasing for her.

Further reading on the development of subjective thought in children can be found here:

Minderovic, Z. (2001). Spirituality in Children. Encyclopedia of Childhood and Adolescence. Retrieved from http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_g2602/is_0004/ai_2602000498/?tag=content;col1.

Piaget, J. (1929). The CHild's Conception of the World. Retrieved fromhttp://books.google.de/books?id=wxWd6bY2FAkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+child%27s+conception+of+the+world&hl=de&ei=JPaHTMDPIoaLswaVwa2yCg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CC4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

-Candles

Peek-a-boo is the same game in every language.

Tim, at nearly a year, is discovering that he has a voice. He babbles, yells, and every so often cries and screams, specifically when he can't figure something out, such as why I'm not holding him when he wants to be held (hey, I can't read minds... yet), or why that one Big Block piece just won't fit onto the other. I adore the boy, but when he's frustrated he is one sour "kleiner Mann." Which is where peek-a-boo comes in. It's my secret weapon. I break it out every time.

"Tim, schaust du hier!" *cover face*...*quickly reveal* "Peek!"
It's always followed by an enormous smile, even mid-scream.

It's the same game here as it is at the CCLC on the Guelph campus, just with a different audience; and there really is a simple reason. Infants his age the world around are all learning the fact of object existence. First the face is there, then it isn't, but wait, then it's there again! Does an object that one cannot see or touch still exist? Well, certainly. As adults we've figured that one out. But infants dropping food from their high chair are fascinated that something once in their hand now exists on the floor. And they'll drop their food over and over again, looking over the edge each time in fascination, seeking to satisfy this new notion that things outside of what they are touching and seeing do indeed exist elsewhere.

Psychologist Piaget viewed infants and children as "little scientists," constantly experimenting with their surrounding world in a drive to make sense of it, and until Tim fully grasps the concept of object permanence (and that my face does actually exist behind the hands) through his experimentations, I'm going to keep peek-a-boo in my back pocket until it must be replaced with a new game.

Candles

An "I Told You So" moment brought to you by my Mother...

Thank you, Mom, truely, for teaching me how to properly and efficiently iron dress shirts (die Hemden) when I was younger. For all of the times that I complained and whined, and insisted that I would simply just never buy cotton dress shirts, you persisted in giving me things to iron and assuring that regardless, the skill would be important one day.

I do a lot of ironing in this house. I'm not complaining, I promise! But it appears as though the dryer is used very little here. Clothers are hung to dry in the laundry room and as a result, tend to be a little wrinkled in the end. The ironing board and fancy iron come out (particularly when Mia is in kindergarten and Tim is having his morning nap) and I go to work on pants (die Hosen) and t-shirts (das T-Shirts) and dress shirts (die Hemden)! Oh the dress shirts! So many to do, and yet, I find myself getting faster at them. Hopefully my German will come along just as quickly. Hopefully...

And yes, I do own cotton dress shirts - and dresses and skirts and pants - so I do do a lot of ironing of my own (in Canada), despite what I may have insisted. I love you, Mom.

Wie weit ist es zum Flughafen?

Some have asked me how I came to be an Au-pair, while others ask me even “why?” The answer is somewhat complex in that it’s been many years in the making, but I can honestly attest that I truly am in the right place, at the right time, for this period in my life.

With my acceptance to various universities came the offer of joining the coop program at the University of Guelph from the very start. Most schools require students to wait to apply to coop after their first year. It was much more comforting to know that I had a spot (provided I maintained a particular grade point average) reserved from the start. And on top of that, Guelph was offering me the greatest entrance scholarship. How could I turn it all down? But in all seriousness, the Psychology program is great at Guelph, and I am quite intrigued by the research that the faculty is doing. There seems to be a lot of funding there.

Coop doesn’t actually begin until second year. In first year you must take a course on cover letter and resume writing (which was very tedious to complete and doesn’t count as a credit), of which you are required to pass. I completed it successfully, of course – one would have to try to fail in order to do so – and went on to my first term in the Winter of second year. The process of finding a job requires a lot of work and timing, and begins the semester before we intend to work. As students we’re given a user ID for the coop web page, on which we can view and apply to several opportunities according to our field of study. It isn’t uncommon to apply to 10 different jobs, and go through interviews for at least half of them, before getting an offer. We’re allowed to turn down one offer, but the next that we receive we are required to take. This ensures that employers get a student just as much as we get an employer. I really like the co-op design at our particular University. Having talked with friends in co-op at other schools, they don’t receive as much support as we do. For example, if we’re having trouble finding work, our advisors will step in to help us fix our weaknesses and find something before the search time is up. Also, if we want to find our own placement, our advisors will help us through the process of negotiation. And that is exactly what my advisor, Shelley Gallina, did for me this work term. Ms. Gallina once described that the co-op department is actually quite small once we get beyond first and second year. Quite a few students drop after even just the preparation course. There is A LOT of work involved in everything, but despite all of that, I really think that it is worth it. I've picked up so much from everyone that I've worked with/for, and I know where exactly I definitely don't want to be after graduation. I've also discovered which areas of Psychology I want to focus on in school, and have actually applied what I have already learned in a real setting. It's a lot of fun. For anyone considering taking coop, I highly recommend it, and if there is ever a time when you don't like the placements available, then talk to an advisor and figure out what you need to do to find your own.

After having done two work terms back-to-back (one at George Brown College where I ran a computer lab and taught a computer skills course, and the other at the University of Guelph Child Care and Learning Centre, where I am still employed as a caregiver for children 5/6 years old and under), I decided that my third and final (to be had after a year back in classes) was going to be something more of a risk. I study English and German also at Guelph, and since I didn’t have the room to complete the suggested semester abroad at a German University, I decided to combine the two a little. In that sense I am now working in Germany and practicing my language here, but am also completing a placement.

This year in the German Cultural Society of the UoG, we had a frequent guest from Germany looking to have a little familiarity in a country foreign to her. She was working as an Au Pair in Fergus to an English family. While originally I intended of finding a job teaching English in Germany, Mariam opened up the possibility of the Au-pair also. When summer semester came and I had to begin my search, I started to look also for Au-Pair agencies in Canada, found the closest one in Halifax (Scotia Personnel Ltd.), went through a series of interviews and background checks, and was finally taken on as a client towards the end of July. They promised to find me a spot, and they delivered. Two weeks later I received an e-mail from the Armbrusters expressing their interest and from a phone call with them a little later we decided to go ahead with the match. As an Au-pair I am promised accomodations and food from the family, monthly pocket money, within country transportation, and insurance - an amazing deal, I think.

It was such a whirl wind from there. I had to finish off school and physical exams before I could jump on over, but I booked my ticket not 2 weeks before departure, had a phenomenal going-away party at my house the week prior, and before I knew it was on the way to the airport with my mom. I really didn’t have a chance to fully realize just how major a thing this was. The stress of school and that German paper hanging over my head demanded all of my attention, and while at times I felt little bits of anxiety for the move, I was actually just really excited for the Summer semester to finally end and for something new to begin. I do regret not having really experienced the anticipation, but not having done so may very well have helped me to actually make it over here without the thought of backing out ever crossing my mind. This will all go by fast regardless, and I’m certain that in returning I will feel the mixed sense of excitement and regret for leaving Germany. I am in the beginnings of a love affair with the country, and I am really very happy to be here. Guelph is still my home for this time in my life, and I have 1.5 years yet to finish in the UoG when I get back (yup, I’m doing 5 years), but this is a nice addition to my learning schedule. Perhaps I will return for longer after graduation (that is, if doing an MA in Scotland doesn’t work out right away).

Candles