Laune: frustriert

The past few days have been spent in a mild frustration towards my place in the school and government financial system. While I am greatful to have been given a spot in the elusive co-op system at Guelph there are quite a few areas that need some reorganizing there. For one, I found that there isn’t a lot of support for students returning from a co-op term. Perhaps there has never been a vocalized demand for it, or no student ever thought to ask, but when you’re returning from one semester in the workforce, or in some special cases two semesters away in a row (something I did, and would not recommend), it’s mighty difficult to get back into the groove. One must train themselves to start to study again, and to use time outside of class for completing course work again. See, when you work all day, every day, you begin to use your downtime outside of the work hours to sleep or read or watch tv – anything to relax, really, because you don’t have a lot of down time in comparison. In contrast, classes don’t take up as much time and so you have to reposition your thoughts to realize that this “down time” between them is actually work time in disguise (since there’s no one on you to get work done, like with a boss in an office). I am aware that there is a student body running within the co-op program to run events, to recruit and so forth, but I’m not quite sure what they do for the reintegration of returning students. Perhaps I need to get my hands in that student administration. I HAVE had a very interesting set of coop experiences, what with doing two in a row and also finding my third placement on my own and in a foreign country. It’s just an idea.

Another thing that’s been aggravating me is my tuition.  Extra fees surrounding coop are understandable; there is staff to pay, after all. But this being my last placement, I've decided to take a co-op research project course as well. This course is somewhat along the lines of a thesis, where I will be doing a lot of book- and paper-research instead of hands-on, and will write a 30-page report in the end. So that, plus my 20-page work report, I have a lot to handle. Yet this has been the least of my worries. I'm an English and German minors student also, so papers come with the territory. My issue now is that with the one added course my tuition has jumped from a couple hundred, to over $1000. I've paid most of it off already (due date this Friday, yipe) and have been working on reorganizing money to get it completely settled, but normally I have the assisstance of OSAP loans and grants for this. I study year-round and have thus had the luxury of focusing on school and only working part time, but being on a work-term cuts me off from the OSAP access that I so desperately need. I don't have a spare $1000 (I doubt that any student really does), and so, in my opinion, there seems to be something wrong with this picture. Simply because I am on a work term means that I can't even apply? There isn't an OSAP form for this. But what about students who study while also on a work term, like I am doing now and have done in the past? Last time I did have money saved up, but this time around I've had to consider extra costs. Co-op students are thought to be making enough money I guess, which isn't really always the truth with living costs factored in. I wonder even how OSAP figures how much money we need to be given when they don't look at living costs? What are these living cost estimates based off of? For anyone who's filled out a Student Financial Need Assessment Form (I highly recommend it: there is a version for students both receiving and not receiving OSAP) you may know that you use your income tax information, and subtract from that an estimated cost of living and tuition given to you by the school. It's interesting because you see how "in-the-whole" you supposedly are when this giant negative number results (or usually results). One might say that I should have been more organized; should have had this all taken care of BEFORE I left, and, well, they’re right, I should have; but that was then, this is now, and my coming to Germany was a very last minute thing. I barely had time to pack and get tickets before I was expected at my placement. Regardless, it's frustrating trying to get these things sorted when you can't simply walk into Student Financial Services and talk to an employee. I've been firing off e-mails with the school for a few weeks now, and each time I have to wait a few days inbetween for a response. It makes me anxious, which is why I am happy that I have such a close and supportive family.

I know that they read this blog, and part of the reason it exists is so that they may keep up with what I'm doing. This work term is a very exciting move, and will have a huge impact on my future education. When my tuition issues started to really eat at me (at the beginning of this week), I finally turned to them for assisstance and guidance. I didn't want to. A certain stubbornness wanted me to get it sorted out on my own, and I think on some level I was also punishing myself for not being more organized, which in retrospect is foolish since this would have been pretty hard to foresee with my focus drawn all over the place. I thought that since I had put myself in this situation, I should have to deal with it and suffer through it. My family has offered a lot of support in the past, and have so much time and finances invested elsewhere, that it felt odd asking for help; almost selfish because I feel like I am always asking and needing their time and resources. Perhaps I have it blown out of proportion. Regardless, I know that the assisstance from them is there - really, truly, I do know - and that all of them are very adept at talking me off of a ledge. My problem seems to be sorted out now thanks to them. It sometimes helps to just even talk about it with them, having them reassure me that things will work out and that they will gladly do any running around with paper work and signatures - "[taking] care of the fires while [I'm] away," as my father puts it, or "watching over things on [that] side," as my Oma said to me on the phone today. I'm incredibly fortunate, and I hope that all of my family and friends know that despite the situations and stresses that I get myself into to, I've actually felt this past year, for the first time in a while, that I am in the right place at the right time. It's a good feeling, being satisfied and thankful for everything, even the minor hiccups that put everything back into perspective, without fail. But it's really all because of the people in my life, I really do believe that.

-Candles