Tom+Astrid

So much has happened in these past three weeks that I hardly know where to begin. I've been to Mannheim, to an event in Wetzlar, have started a German course at the Volkshochschule (which is run by the Goethe Institute), have met another Au-Pair in the same city, and have gotten a cold. I also broke a new pair of sunglasses that I just purchased last weekend. They weren't expensive but damn did I love them. I need to find some super-glue. To the utility drawer!!

While I hope to get around to expanding on some of these things, first I want to write a series of profiles of the family that I am working with. I'm in quite the unique situation here.

Tom: The thirty-something father of two is a successful business man working at a new firm (started the beginning of August) in Düsberg, Aachen in finance. For those unfamiliar with the geography of Germany, that's a 2-hour drive west of Muenchholzhausen! Prior to working here I am told he worked really long and odd hours at a place closer to home, so that he was rarely ever available to be with his family. This new job, while far, offers him free time because he has made with them a deal: he will drive to Düsberg in the early morning of Monday and stay there until the Thursday evening of every week, under the condition that he has Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off to be at home with his family. Many people, from the sound of it, find his living away for 4 days a week odd, but it makes a lot of sense in that he never actually had time to be home when he worked closer. Now he does, and Astrid has said that it works for them and that Tom is actually happier and less stressed out.
To watch the man cook is to see in him the young soul. He opens the fridge and dashes through its contents with a sort of reckless abandon gracing those driven by a curiosity to see what they can create. Tom has cooked every night that he has been home and not once has one of his concoctions turned out poorly. "Perhaps a bit too much garlic," he said of a particularly light pasta dish, but I would beg to differ. This curiosity, I am told, translates into a strong penchant for travelling: "I do not like to drive for so long, but Tom, he can drive for hours no problem," says his wife Astrid, who is more set in her home roots now that she has young children. In travelling he likes to experience everything foreign to him (another story of Astrid descirbes him in a grocery store in Canada, where he spent hours going through every label, looking for anything that he did not know). He likes a good drink at home on the weekend evenings, a substitute now for when both he and Astrid were younger and were out almost every Friday, and is always on the go with new projects. His taste is ultra modern with a strong desire for class, and I do believe that all around there is strong drive towards a particularly rich lifestyle (not in things, so much as rich in experiences). This is a man who, before I leave here in December, I will get a list from of the places that I simply must see in my lifetime and which are perhaps not in the typical tour books.

Astrid: A radiant warmth always can be found in this woman. A smile is easily found on her bright face, and she seems to know so much more of the world than she might let on. Her family is quite evidently the most important thing to her, which can be seen so well in her constant involvement with the affairs of her children and her husband; so much so that she is every day so tired from little sleep. She puts them first, although I hope that my being here will give her time to have some focus on herself. She had a long appointment at the hairdresser the other day (the product of which was a very suiting cut and colour) and for her birthday soon, she and Tom are going to have a few days away together while I stay with the children. It's good, and really important, that she has some time to catch up on the house and herself.
Watching her with the children, I was fascinated to find a different style of parenting than I am used to in Canada. Often I find that we are hovering over the kids, ensuring that they don't bump or fall, and that they have constant encouragement for a pronounced confidence. But it seems here, and in this household especially, there is a focus on giving children responsibility, and space, in exploring their own environment. Tim will pull himself towards an object and instead of quickly jumping forward to say "Nein" because it is not a typical toy, or trying to redirect his attention, she will let him continue, keeping a careful eye that he is not in any danger (which he never is). She wants him to test and create perceptions of his surroundings, and for that, I must say that he is one of the most advanced 9-month olds I have ever met.
Dear young Mia, on the other hand, is fiercly testing her limits with her parents, seeing just how far she can push - just what can she get away with? Astrid applies the same encouragement with Mia as she does Tim, but tempers Mia's striving for pleasure fulfillment with responsibilites around the house. She is kept occupied with helping to cook, set and clear the table, and even to vaccum her bedroom floor. Astrid, again, never hovers, but keeps a keen eye to ensure that no serious trouble ensues.
Naturally, spending 4 days a week with just Astrid and the children has let me get to know her quite well, and I rather quite enjoy her company. She was once also in finance (where she met Tom) as a trainer of employees. From that I believe she has taken a more guidance driven approach to interacting with others. Like I have said, she never pushes or hovers, but merely influences the learning process gently and offers her good opinion for others to either heed or discard. And really, for the most part, they follow it, and things turn out well. I just would like that Astrid had more confidence in herself over certain areas. She is constantly speaking up about the achievements and talents of others, but doesn't realize her own value enough. That likely does, again, come from so much focus on others, but I do think in time (and as the work situation with Tom settles in more, and as I spend more and more time around) she will start to see in her free time that she has great instincts and an amazing feel for people.

And so those are the parents of the house in a nutshell. Naturally there is much more to learn about them since I have only been here a little under 3 weeks and there are still holidays, vacationing, and several birthday parties to go through (all family members have a birthday in the next 4 months). Overall, I'm really happy with the family. It's always tricky having a new boss for each co-op position, but to have a new boss while in a country nearly 4000 miles away from your co-op advisor's assistance is that much more daunting. But I've been very fortunate, to say the least, and the big risk is paying off, knock-on-wood.

-Candles